How would you describe the perfect wife? I suspect that nine out of ten Christians immediately think of the woman in Proverbs 31. How often have we heard about this woman? Whenever many Christian men, both single and married, attempt to describe desirable characteristics of wives, they quickly offer Proverbs 31 as the standard toward which women should aim to reach. Even many Christian women verbalize their goal to become this woman.

I’m not so sure I completely agree.

Verses 10-31 of this proverb detail the qualities displayed by this woman. Granted, the fruit she exhibits reflect God’s commands and illustrations of godly living. However, scriptural accounts of other women, such as Mary praising God with her Magnificat (Luke 1) and Hannah “pouring out her soul before the Lord” so intently that Eli mistook her as drunk (1 Samuel 1)—scriptures that provide examples of women who possess a passion for time spent still and quiet in His presence—harmonize with the Proverbs 31 woman and enhance our understanding of God’s ideal for women.

As we analyze this passage of Scripture in Proverbs, we should apply the same rules of Biblical interpretation that we would if we were discussing any of a number of theological topics. The interpretative error of asserting the Proverbs 31 woman as the ideal, in isolation from other complementary passages, creates an incomplete portrait of a godly woman.

Mary and Martha come to mind:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”  –John 10:38-42

Jesus corrected Martha and praised Mary.

What I see in Proverbs 31 is a woman that’s very busy. She’s less Mary and more Martha, minus the complaining, resentful, and worried heart.

If we focus too much on what the text explicitly states and less on the influence of God that created this God fearing woman, then we potentially uphold an unbalanced ideal for womanhood. We elevate the Martha who concerned herself more with serving and being productive over the Mary who desired to rest at the feet of Jesus with a teachable spirit, when in fact we know that God desires both for women.

I hope that I’m a woman one day that would wake up while it’s still dark to prepare food for my family (Stop it, Quixote). But more than that, I hope that my primary focus each day rests on God and that I carve out quiet time devoted solely to Him. Otherwise, I invite the pitfalls of self.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Give me what God wants of my hands, and let my love of Jesus praise God in the gates.